You and Your Relationship

If you are in a relationship, or have ever been in a relationship, or seeking to be in a relationship, it is important that you understand that a relationship consist of three parts all or which are equally essential to the other.  In short, the relationship is the sum total of two people (the other two parts) that come together out of mutual care, interest, love and affection for the other.  Think of the relationship as sort of a triangle.  The man and woman located at opposite ends of the base of the triangle and the relationship is at the top.  Each point of the triangle require equal amounts of ongoing intentional and deliberate effort of care and nurture in order to manitain health, and facilitate and manage the relationship, and each individuals growth.  This is a continuous process in which the partners in the relationship are equally responsible for caring for and nurturing this relationship.  With this being said, the basis or foundation of understanding your relationship is being defined and established.  Understand that there are three essential points to be mindful of from the triangle position.

1. It is from this base, that you have and nurture children and devleop your familly.
2. It is from this base that you engage and interact with you primary relationships, like extended family members.
   
3. it is from this base that you engage and interact with friends, co-workers, and the world at large. 

With continued care and deliberate action, together as partners in your marriage you are always building upon and strengthening the base.  The essential elements found in the base of all marriages are: sacrificial love (I will elaborate on this later), listening, honesty, a climate of emotional and physical safety, shared commitment to always working on and nurturing the base of the marriage, and trust, and commitment to fidelity to one another.  These are the basics of love and marriage.  If in entering a marriage you both enter with a understanding, conviction, and commitment to developing the foundation of your relationship as outlined here, you will both enjoy a relationship of growth, happiness, fulfillment, love, and hardwork.  Let's not be afraid of th word hardwork.  Many people shy away from most things that are "hard".  Hard is not the impossible it is just hard.  Hard is not a negative, in fact it is  a positive.  Hardwork, quality of life, and relationships  are inseparable ideas and activities. 

Let me address the idea of sacrificail love and particulary the role that it plays in marriage.
In the New Testament Jesus Christ said, "No greater love has any man but to lay his life down for another..." When Jesus laid His life down for us, it was a matter of conscious choice.  This is our model of real love.  Love for one another, love that extends beyond the romantic, to life giving and life sustaining and life joining love.  Marriage is a life partnership that requires this kind of love, commitment and devotion.  It is from this understanding and agreement of love that choices are made that are protective to the relationship and its bond.  It is this kind of love that works toward eliminating self-centered choices, choices that present risk or risk factors to the marriage. 

It is also this kind of bond that prevents or protects against other competing alliances from developing and interfering with the marital bond and partnership.  Common problems that often bring couples into marital counseling are allainces or loyaties to people, places or things.  These  alliances often include, alliances to parents, children, or other extended family members.  Bottom line is that any relationship outside the marital bond that is allowed to interfer, or present risk to the bond and unity between the couple, is an alliance that is potentially destructive to the marital bond.  The marital relationship is the primary relationship.  All other relationships in a very real way play "second" fiddle to the marriage.  This principle must be understood prior to the marriage being consumated and also it must be understood that each partner in the marriage is growing into incorporating this understanding into their relationship as they grow as individuals and as the marital relationship grows and matures. 

Think about the type and depth of intimacy, security and trust that grows from the type of "joining" in marriage that I have described. A marital relationship that follows this model will be more prepared to confont challenges that come from within and out-side the marriage.  A marriage after this model strengthen's and supports the marital bond, minimizing its vulnerabilities. 

Plesase feel free to comment on this article by emailing me at coachyonta@yahoo.com  I will continue to expand about the ideas in this article.